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部落格,是记载着自己的生活,今天打的部落格,明天将化为历史。 它,让我打出了一篇篇的现在;它,让我回忆了一篇篇的曾经。 部落格,也就是我的历史课本...

2010年12月8日星期三

灰尘

有一个成语,叫做『格格不入』。

我很想很想睡,其实我累了。我闷到累了。假期我喜欢,因为看不见朋友;我讨厌开学,因为看得见朋友,朋友却看不见我。我是透明的空气,不,是透明的灰尘。灰尘,不是因为我世界是灰色,而是因为我是个灰尘。灰尘会让人怨恶,我就是这样的灰尘。我想朋友了,朋友说我好烦。我不想朋友了,感觉少了什么。朋友不会再想起我的存在了,因为我成了一个灰尘,透明的灰尘。

有时候,在家里,感觉自己好像也是个灰尘。哦不,是与家人出街。我讨厌出街,这让我感觉我与世界上的人事物格格不入。我讨厌出街,我讨厌自己是个灰尘,而且还是如此的透明!

我可以不可以与世界脱离,不再有任何关系?
我可以不可以与世界脱离,让认识我的人都忘记我?
我可以不可以与世界脱离,让我不再说些啥寂寞孤单?
我可以不可以与世界脱离,让我变得那么独一无二的生存者?
我可以不可以与世界脱离,让我永远活在沉睡中的快乐?
我可以不可以与世界脱离,让我不再是个灰尘……?
可以不可以?
不可以!不可以!为什么不可以?

我好想浩然大哭一番,任由自己的眼泪往下流。就好像一般的女孩一样,受到委屈就流泪。可是我答应过自己不可以,因为我要坚强。我不想再依靠任何人生活,我不想再依靠任何事物活下去。所以,我的生活要是灰尘,填满一层一层的灰尘。把自己变成一个灰尘一样,一样的让人讨厌。我更想变成一个拥有尖刺的灰尘,讽刺讽刺,让一个拥有生命力的灰尘来讽刺这个世界的荒唐。

我只想有人安慰,我只想有人看串自己,我只想有人懂我,真的有那么难吗?
真的真的很难,因为我已经不再是那个小天使,而是一个充满灰尘带刺的恶魔。 

无可否认,我太可悲,也太神经。
  
『别人笑我太疯癫,我笑他人看不穿』

1 条评论:

  1. Don't use this "别人笑我太疯癫,我笑他人看不穿", you definitely not qualified to use that.

    I know how you feel, because you're the youngest in family, most of the time, you will just comparing yourself to us unconsciously. (me, and all your jie jie) Don't be frustracted, you live as your own, and never will be like one of us. So, try to avoid that, like who did better in life.

    Perhaps you don't even know, most of the time mummy always talked to us about you (ofcoz not infront of you), telling us that, should concern you more, everything should compromise with you abit and so on. Probably you don't feel it, but if you compare yourself to our friend. Definitely you can find a different, and yea, you're much valueable than them.

    Living as like dust or not, all are determine by you, yourself. Try to speak more to sisters? or find baba mummy more often? tell them your school things or friendship things? Everything will helps them to understand you better. The you won't feel ignored & neglected.

    Actually I think because you're the youngest in family, so, most of the time you just keep quiet and very low self-esteem. Isn't our problem that we want to leave you out? But your problem to stay far away from our this circle. Listen to me, try to talk more and participate more in our circle, then you will not feel that anymore.

    *ps. you put this in blog isn't going to work. Nobody going know until they read it. Lame eh?

    Your bro,
    Js

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